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Making Changes

It is with a heavy heart that I write this entry. Yesterday I visited Human Canvas and removed all of my paintings. The initial plan was to remove only a few, but instinct drove me to take them all. I have plans for many which spurred the drive to take a few. But I think a part of me needed them home.

Painting has been a struggle this year. I haven't created nearly the amount of work that I am used to. I know most of this lies in my writing and the amount of work necessary to write weekly episodes and promote those on social media.

But my heart still wishes to paint. And even when I sit in front of the easel with an entire day set aside to paint, the inspiration is gone.

I spent the better part of last night rearranging my rooms, taking down old decorations, and determining space to hang them in my home. My walls are filled now with my art, more so than before. And this morning I no longer looked at the past memories but am seeing something brighter.

Accomplishments that I have achieved.

And I am not talking about the awards because I have kept the ribbons. I am talking about the achievements I have made in creating my visions. The memories of the hours spent building layers of color to bring them alive, the accomplishments of trying to paint chains, and feathers, and metal, and cloth, and yes, those fucking pearls. ;-)

I know now why I brought them home. It was time.

I know not where the future lies. Nor what my plans will be for them in 2023 or forward. For now, I needed to be surrounded by them. My soul needs to be recharged., I need to remember who I am and see a path for where I will go. I promise I will bring you along with me.

Oh, if only you could see what I see...nothing but blue sky...

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