Behind the Art: Paint, Process, and Permission to Fail

A few years ago, I stumbled upon the trend of paint pours on YouTube. The flow of the paint was enticing. and reminiscent of backgrounds and methods I had for art in college. My first thought was how easy the pouring was (as opposed to my method with acrylics and oils) and I thought it would be clever to adapt that craft into a more modern approach with my figure art.

So, I taught myself how to do paint pours.

They were so much fun and an instant stress reliever that I completed many different series over several years. The problem was, after the initial 4 proto types, I became attached to them and never adapted them into the backgrounds with my figure art.

Swimming In A Sea of Uncertainty, Jen Sequel, Acrylic on canvas, 5x7 inches

This also came hand in hand with the pressure I have placed on myself these past years for my art.

With the pressure of building a social media presence and the drive to only showcase the best and brightest, I lost the ability to experiment on a fundamental level. Namely - to create art without the fear of creating ugly art.

I needed to just do something that might not work out and give myself permission to experiment again and (potentially) fail at it.

It may sound strange, but unless you allow yourself to fail, you will never achieve new heights. This thought process extends in different ways throughout life - what happens if they say no? What if I am not accepted? What happens if it doesn't turn out the way I want it to?

I try to tell myself: what's the worst that can happen? Someone says no? You are not accepted for the position? The process you tried doesn't work out as planned?

In the end, a no isn't necessarily an insult. It’s an indication that it doesn't match. Not being accepted for a position opens you to a better opportunity down the line.

And an experiment that doesn't turn out as planned doesn’t necessarily mean it's ruined...it may turn out even better.

For my art, I needed to create bad paint pours on purpose.

I couldn't remain attached to them.

Shot Through the Heart, Jen Sequel, Acrylic on Canvas, 5x7 inches

I mixed color combinations and techniques that almost hurt on a perfectionist level. Once dried, I stared at them wondering if I should paint over them or just throw them away. I hated them on so many levels. But I was determined to at least try...and (possibly) fail.

The first painting "Swimming in a Sea of Uncertainty" is as much an allegory to this trial as it is symbolic of many other things. The direction I originally planned on taking with her completely went out the window as I began to paint over the paint pour. I began to see parts of the original pour I wanted to keep. I began to push and pull the surfaces from realism to abstract.

I began to have fun again.

The second painting was much easier, "Shot Through the Heart". And the next two 6x6 inch paintings even more so as I let go of perfectionism and am finally allowing myself to create unapologetically again.